(Photo credit should read MANDEL NGAN/AFP/Getty Images)
USA TODAY - Did you hear the one about President Obama, John McCain, and Chuck Hagel?
"These days, John McCain and I are spending so much time together that he told me we were becoming friends," Obama told member of the Gridiron press club during its annual dinner Saturday night.
"I said, 'John, stop -- Chuck Hagel warned me how this ends up!'"
Appearing at the white-tie dinner in which politicians and journalists make fun of each other, Obama cracked wise about politics, the press, the sequester, and even about himself.
"My joke writers have been placed on furlough," Obama began. "I know a lot of you reported that no one will feel any immediate impact because of the sequester -- well, you're about to find out how wrong you are."
He added: "Of course, there's one thing in Washington that didn't get cut -- the length of this dinner. Yet more proof that the sequester makes no sense."
Other topics covered by Obama and his substitute joke writers:
Complaints by reporters: "Some of you have said that I'm ignoring the Washington press corps -- that we're too controlling. You know what, you were right. I was wrong and I want to apologize in a video you can watch exclusively at whitehouse.gov."
His agenda: "I have my top advisers working around the clock. After all, my March Madness bracket isn't going to fill itself out. And don't worry -- there is an entire team in the situation room as we speak, planning my next golf outing, right now at this moment."
His skeet shooting photo: "Of course, maintaining credibility in this cynical atmosphere is harder than ever -- incredibly challenging. My administration recently put out a photo of me skeet shooting and even that wasn't enough for some people. Next week, we're releasing a photo of me clinging to religion."
Changes in his administration: "With all these new faces, it's hard to keep track of who is in, who is out. And I know it's difficult for you guys as reporters. But I can offer you an easy way of remembering the new team. If Ted Cruz calls somebody a communist, then you know they're in my cabinet."
Vice President Biden: "Look, it's no secret that my Vice President is still ambitious. But let's face it, his age is an issue. Just the other day, I had to take Joe aside and say, 'Joe, you are way too young to be the pope ... You can't do it. You got to mature a little bit.'"
The press: "I know that there are people who get frustrated with the way journalism is practiced these days. And sometimes those people are me. But the truth is our country needs you and our democracy needs you."
Obama wrapped up by making fun of his recent mix-up of Star Wars and Star Trek:
"In the words of one of my favorite Star Trek characters -- Captain James T. Kirk of the USS Enterprise -- 'may the force be with you.'"
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