How to avoid raising a brat

DENVER - It's a concern for every parent: how to raise a healthy, happy child. However, sometimes our best efforts end with the worst results: raising a spoiled child.

Three kids, two dogs and one mom. It's a complicated equation that Elizabeth McCabe, mother of three, hopes doesn't add up to raising brats.

"They have their moments," said McCabe with a laugh.

Her kids, Zach, Maddie and Grace, know how to get what they want.

"I tell her she's so beautiful. And I say 'Oh my gosh! I love that shirt," said McCabe's daughter. However, this mom can distinguish flattery, from bratty.

"They recognize when other kids get spoiled. 'So and so has all this stuff,'" said McCabe.

Child Psychologist, Dr. Jeff Dolgan says all kids, at some point, push the limits, but it's how the parent responds that determines whether or not they will end up with a brat.

"Kids are sharper than you think. They're on to you. Oh yeah," said Dolgan.

All but gone are the days when children were mini versions of their polite parents. Today, the rare sight of little girls in gloves dancing with little boys in ties only exists in cotillion classes.

However, Dolgan says there is hope for parents who want a well-behaved child, and it all boils down to a few simple points.

First, don't feel guilty about not giving your child everything they want.

Eliminating the guilt will help you with the next step: Setting rules and sticking to them.

"Kids will outlast a short intervention," said Dolgan. "They get the idea. 'Oh, I see what's going on.'"

Dolgan suggests picking two or three things you want your child to change and rewarding them when they meet the goals.

One rule instituted in the McCabe house had to do with the daily task of preparing lunches.

"I hate having to fix their lunch everyday," said McCabe. "So, they agreed they would fix it themselves."

And McCabe is one mom who stands firm on that. She's not afraid to say, "No."

Which is the next point: say no and mean it.

However, parents should also know which things are not worth fighting over.

"Have discussions about what really matters," said Dolgan.

This will help you learn how to pick your battles. How many times has your child had a temper tantrum at the checkout line? Psychologists say stopping the meltdowns is easy and kind of obvious.

"That's very hard to ignore, when something you want is kind of at eye level," said Dolgan. "So maybe kids don't go to the market."

If removing the temptation doesn't work. Experts say try explaining and empathizing.

"You want to listen to how a kid is feeling and reflect and then offer them something back. 'You seem to be upset.' That's a good thing to say," said Dolgan.

Dolgan says you shouldn't be afraid to ask for help from professionals who teach etiquette.

"They feel that kind of support," said Dolgan.

Professionals who teach etiquette to children say the message they feel parents should be teaching kids is that when you respect yourself and others, it will be inevitable that you make more friends and increase your popularity.

Experts say misbehavior can often be channeled into something positive. Dolgan says a bossy child could actually be a good leader.

While laying the foundation before first grade is key, experts say it's never too late to reform a brat. Parents, though, have to be willing to admit when they make a mistake.

McCabe thinks her kids are already in that good place, but, she knows, it'll take work to keep them there.

"Definitely a work in progress, for all of us," she said.

Dolgan says, often times, children value one-on-one time with their parents more than they value material things. So, you might be amazed at what a family activity could do for your child's attitude.

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