You may remember the White House petition site from such crazy online requests as "replace Jerry Jones," "bring President Obama to a Washington Capitals game" and "deport A.J. McCarron." The newest one making headlines: "Declare the Monday following the Super Bowl a national holiday."
It's a conversation that will play out in the third quarter of every Super Bowl party across America.
"Shoot [sips beer], I wish we didn't have to go to work tomorrow."
"I know, right? Pass me a purple jello shot."
"Have you heard that they're going to move President's Day so that it falls right after the Super Bowl? [Takes red jello shot.] I read that once in Time magazine."
"It was Maxim."
"Same difference. [Sips beer.]"
The petition, from the powerful Washington lobbying group 4on4.com Fantasy Football, has just 2,625 signatures, well short of the 100,000 threshold that would make the White House take a cursory look at the request.
The post-Super Bowl day off is the Quixotic quest for every football-watching member of the American workforce. The mere thought of it is too tantalizing to consider. It all makes too much sense. Pair a February federal holiday with no real roots in a specific weekend (President's Day) with the Super Bowl to create the ultimate national holiday. Because what says "honor Martin Van Buren" more than pairing a day honoring presidents with AutoTrader.com Postgame show?
As a practical matter, the three-day weekend is perfect. In reality, the government (the only group with more power and more ego than NFL front offices) isn't going to enact a federal law to coincide with a season the NFL could unilaterally extend.
What happens if the league pushes the Super Bowl back to the second Sunday in February and Congress moves President's Day to the day after (it's currently the third Monday) and then, in 2020, Goodell decides to make it a 19-game season and extend the playoffs to 18 teams? Congress would never cater to the whims of outside interests.
Unless it gets so bad for Congress that the only way to please voters is to give them a new day off, lawmakers aren't moving President's Day. The NFL would need to make the switch.
Until then, suck it up, y'all. And drink lots of water before you go to bed.
(Copyright © 2013 USA TODAY)