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You need to build an aluminum foil Stanley Cup.

Now.

I used to be sad and lonely. Then I took my kids to the Container Store at the Park Meadows Mall during the 2001 NHL Playoffs, and my life changed forever. We purchased seven pieces of Tupperware. Three large cylinders, one medium, one small, one extra small and a salad spinner. THE KEY IS THE SALAD SPINNER! It is the only item in the world which perfectly duplicates the top of Lord Stanley's Cup.

You'll also need one of those super gigantic rolls of Reynolds aluminum foil from Costco. The whole thing'll cost you about sixty bucks.

Use duct tape to connect all of the pieces. Make sure you apply the foil vigorously and push it into every groove for maximum realism.

Everywhere I go with that stupid thing, people want to take pictures with me. I brought it to the Pepsi Center tonight to use as a prop in my 5 and 6 pm sportscasts. Took me nearly an hour to walk it back to my car afterwards because all 18,007 fans arriving at the arena HAD to take a selfie with me and the cup. I've made the same walk without the cup without being noticed.

THE KEY IS THE SALAD SPINNER!

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