KUSA — When you hear about running marathons, you always hear about “The Wall.” It’s that moment when everything just crumbles, your brain shuts down, and you feel like curling up into a ball.
For these types of athletes, it usually happens at mile 20, but during my day of being a professional mall walker, I hit the wall when I forgot which mall I was in.
“Wait, I’ve seen those massage chairs before …” I thought to myself as I passed a standalone kiosk with 20 flavors of gumballs that faded before my eyes into a seller of prepackaged sausage that stood just beyond the third Urban Outfitters I’d seen that day.
And, to quote the Talking Heads, I started asking myself “Well, how did I get here?”
The answer is pretty simple (but “very weird,” as one manager said during the morning editorial meeting when I first pitched this project).
Friday is THE Black Friday, and that means thousands of Coloradans will flock to area malls to mark the beginning of the holiday shopping season. There are five indoor, standalone malls in the Denver metro area. They’re all within a reasonable drive for most people.
And, since Black Friday happens to be the day after Thanksgiving (when the average American consumes around 4,000 calories), how can you optimize your mall experience for the best fitness opportunities?
I sought to find out. It took roughly two hours of driving and more than half of a work day. This is my story.
This is part of our weekly 9Neighborhoods series. Usually we highlight one neighborhood instead of multiple malls, but this week, we’re taking you on an Instagram tour of malls because it’s Black Friday and it just makes sense. Join us at noon on Friday for the end result. Have a neighborhood you think we should check out? Drop us a line at webteam@9news.com!
Stop 1: Colorado Mills
Distance from the farthest parking spot to entrance: 563 steps (22.52 calories if you assume you burn 0.04 calories per step)
Length of a full lap around the mall: 1,815 steps (72.6 calories)
Number of laps around the mall it would take to burn off a slice of pumpkin pie: 4.44
Hours: 6 p.m. to midnight on Thanksgiving, and then 6 a.m. to 9 p.m. on Black Friday
With this being my first mall, I was still pretty fresh by the time I walked into the Fashion District entrance and past the food court, which gets extra points for having a Panda Express (which, by the way, had a huge line even though it was fairly early in the day).
I chose to ignore the looks I got for the GoPro that was strapped to my chest for journalistic purposes, and instead marveled at how great Colorado Mills looks after the epic 2017 hailstorm.
Some of the highlights of this mall? Those old school gumball machines, the massage chairs and a moving train for children. There was also a bouncy-type trampoline thing – and it wouldn’t be the first I witnessed at a Colorado mall.
There’s a video tour below:
Stop 2: Southwest Plaza
Distance from farthest parking spot to entrance: 412 steps (16.48 calories)
Length of a full lap around the mall: 2,549 steps (101 calories)
Number of laps it would take to burn off a serving of green bean casserole: 1.4 laps
Hours: Open from 6 p.m. to midnight on Thanksgiving and from 6 a.m. to 9 p.m. on Black Friday
The last time I was in Southwest Plaza, it was undergoing a serious renovation, so I was pleasantly surprised by how put-together this mall has become in the years since.
Southwest Plaza gets extra points for the soothing fireplace I saw when I walked in, as well as advertisements for beer at Bad Daddy’s Burger Bar.
Since I was at work, I did not partake, and instead just took a lap for the purposes of journalism. You can see the full video tour below:
Stop 3: Park Meadows
Distance from farthest parking spot to entrance: 512 steps (20.48 calories)
Length of a full lap around the mall: 1,452 steps (58.08 calories)
Number of laps it would take to burn off a serving of ham: 2.23
Hours: 6 p.m. to midnight on Thanksgiving and 6 a.m. to 10 p.m. on Black Friday
To be honest, Park Meadows was the mall of my childhood, so there was little mystery here. What amazed me was how busy it was for the middle of the day on a Tuesday. At the other malls, my quest for the farthest parking spot left my poor Subaru isolated and alone. Here, it was just another Subaru in a Colorado parking lot.
As you can see from the video below, I had to do some significant weaving around the crowds at Park Meadows, which had by far the most epic Santa display (he has made an appearance at every mall I visited).
Does anyone remember the giant waterfall that used to be in the main foyer when you pass the food court? What happened to it? Why did it leave?
Perhaps this is a mystery that will never be solved.
Stop 4: The Town Center at Aurora
Distance from farthest parking spot to entrance: 312 steps (12.48 calories)
Length of a full lap around the mall: 1,146 steps (45.84 calories)
Number of laps it would take to burn off a can of gravy: 5.1483 (also that’s a lot of gravy …)
Hours: 6 p.m. to 1 a.m. on Thanksgiving and 7 a.m. to 10 p.m. on Black Friday
If you’re still reading, you might remember when I mentioned hitting “the wall.” This was the moment.
Here’s the thing: malls aren’t that different from one another. There are roughly the same stores (with some wild cards, like the one in Aurora that sold a wide assortment of swords). There are the same gumball machines. There are the same massage chairs. There were even fairly similar Christmas decorations.
But with that being said, the Aurora Town Center felt fairly relaxed and had the shortest Santa line during my visit, which was at roughly 3:30 p.m. on a Tuesday before Thanksgiving (so take that as you will).
Stop 5: The Cherry Creek Shopping Center
Distance from farthest parking spot to entrance: 527 steps (21.08 calories)
Length of a full lap around the mall: 1,789 steps (71.56 calories)
Number of laps it would take to burn off a serving of sweet potato casserole with brown sugar and marshmallows: 4.19
Hours: Closed on Thanksgiving, open from 7 a.m. to 9 p.m. on Black Friday.
The sun was beginning to set over Denver as I walked into my final mall of the day. Back at the station, the other members of the digital team were entering the busiest part of the day. I, meanwhile, was entering another mall. I took a deep breath.
“Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose,” I whispered to myself as I reached for the parking receipt at the Cherry Creek Mall parking garage.
This is perhaps the most famous of Denver’s malls, and it also happens to have the most upscale tenants (on its website, it touts itself as Denver’s premiere shopping destination).
Santa was not present at his massive chair in the middle of this mall as of my visit, though the separate children’s play center was tremendously busy. I found myself somewhat lost between the east and west wings of the mall.
See a video tour below:
Final Results
Steps: 11,014
Calories burned: 440.56
Number of mall crawls it would take to burn off a Thanksgiving dinner: 9.09
Lessons learned: Too many to quantify. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
