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Former inmate posts hilarious review of Adams County jail visit

"All amenities were included. No expense was spared."

BRIGHTON – Since it worked out so well the first time, Felipe “Flip” Martinez says he might just become a “professional jail reviewer” next time he finds himself on the wrong side of the law.

“No, no, no … there’s not going to be a next time,” he said laughing. “I don’t want to go back.”

This story begins in November 2017. Martinez was arrested in Northglenn after he failed to appear for his speeding ticket court date. He spent a few hours in the Adams County Jail … and the experience left quite an impression.

So, when Google asked him to write a review, he said “Why not?”

And here’s when things got good.

“I thought it would be ironic to write a review about the jail as if it was a resort, some sort of five-star hotel,” Martinez said. “I thought that would be pretty funny.”

So did the Adams County Sheriff’s Office. They tweeted out the review in full on Friday.

“While we don’t intend for inmates to have a blast at our facility, it’s nice to know that some are enjoying their stay,” the tweet read.

You can see Martinez’s review below. It’s pretty epic.

Can’t see the review? Click here: https://bit.ly/2Izckp6

To Adams County’s credit, Martinez said he actually did have as good of an experience as you can have in jail.

“To be truthful, they did treat me very nice. Not all of it was a lie …” he said. “I’d definitely recommend it… actually no, stay away from there. Do not go there.”

Martinez has been to jail before, and says he keeps going back because “I love the amenities.”

“I’m not a killer or anything … on the loose,” he said, adding that most of his jail stays have been because he’s bad at keeping up with court dates for traffic citations (though Google calendar has made it easier).

Because his stay was so short, Martinez joked he didn’t get to actually tour the entire jail facility.

“I didn’t get to go to the spa, I didn’t see the pool,” he said. “There is this view of a beautiful white wall that you can just stare into. Very tantric.

“I aligned my chakras.”

And for what it’s worth, Martinez says he’s glad the Adams County Sheriff’s Office could recognize his joke.

“I was kind of nervous at first, I didn’t know how the county would take it, but it’s good to know there is people with sense of humor there,” he said.