ENGLEWOOD, Colo. — The hiring of Jeff Saturday as head coach of the Indianapolis Colts is so absurdly nonsensical, you’d think owner Jim Irsay traded in his Pink Floyd guitar for another Hollywood script where the no-hoper, ridiculed underdog becomes the miraculous hero by movie’s end.
And because everyone loves make-believe, we’ll all be pulling for Saturday on Sunday when the Colts take on Josh McDaniels and the Las Vegas Raiders. One thing Hollywood and Disney figured out years ago: Every good story needs a villain.
I can’t see new owner Greg Penner, who is steeped in sound Walmart business principles, ever subjecting Broncos Country to such a fantastical hire. But for purely entertainment sake, let’s imagine Nathaniel Hackett flying in with wings and a magic wand, tapping the top of his bald head and transforming himself into … who?
Who among former NFL/Broncos players have turned to a second career in sports media – as Saturday did – and could suddenly become the team’s head coach, say, next week against Josh McDaniels and the Raiders at Empower Field at Mile High?
Here are 9 Jeff Saturday-like head coach candidates for the Denver Broncos:
1. Peyton Manning
The most logical of these illogical candidates. Manning was long considered to have the smartest football mind during his 18-year, arm-waving, call-the-play-at-the-line playing career. Problem is, Manning is so hugely popular. More now than ever. He seemingly is the best at everything he does – including watching a game like a common fan during his Manning Cast Monday Night Football shows. The surest way for Manning to lower his likeability is to become an NFL head coach.
2. Dave Logan
On second thought, this is the most logical of the former player-turned-media candidates for head coach. Logan is in his 33rd season as the Broncos’ radio game-day announcer who on the side has led four different high schools to 10 state championships. Often referred to as the best coach in Colorado, no offense to those leading the programs at CU, CSU, or the Broncos.
3. Alfred “Big Al” Williams
At 6-foot-6, 250 pounds (playing weight), Williams would command respect merely through his presence. A well-known radio sports talk show host, Williams is known for his big laugh and let’s-party personality, but when he gets serious he can break down a game and a team with the best of them. He might have to turn down the opportunity, though, as he is probably the only local media personality who would have to take a pay cut to become an interim NFL head coach.
4. Mark Schlereth
He may not be qualified to become an NFL head coach tomorrow – a requirement for this list – but no one has a more impressively unique resume. A high school state heavyweight wrestling champion in Alaska, a nose tackle and center at the University of Idaho, a Super Bowl-champion right guard for six years as part of the second wave of Hogs in Washington, a two-time Super Bowl-champion left guard for six years in Denver, “Stink” went from a no-media policy as a player to building a mini-empire in his post-playing days.
He is both a Fox NFL color commentator on Sundays and morning drive co-host on The Fan radio in Denver, where he often pours over the nuances of a Broncos’ game.
He is also a green-chili distributor, husband to Lisa, and father of three -- actress Alexandria, model Avi and former major-league pitcher Daniel. NFL head coaching hours would fit right into his schedule.
5. Shannon Sharpe
Thinking quick – a necessity on game days for all NFL head coaches – would never be a problem for the quick-witted Sharpe. NFL Films would have to mic him up every game. Referees would have a difficult time keeping a straight face. Sharpe is also an introspective-type who has a unique feel and knowledge of the game -- and the makeup of those who play it. If the off-campus-sports-analyst hire becomes a trend, Sharpe would command respect.
6. Orlando Franklin
Have you heard the former right tackle and left guard talk football on the radio? He knows his stuff. Deep dive stuff. Plus Big O had a coaching internship with the San Francisco 49ers last year – which makes him more experienced than Jeff Saturday.
7. Ryan Harris
The former offensive tackle has always carried himself in a smooth, likeable manner. A good mix of having a large presence with an approachable personality. And have you seen how far he’s come as an NFL analyst? He is now color commentator for Notre Dame and 9NEWS-produced Broncos preseason games and on Sunday night he provided insight as color commentator for the Chiefs-Titans’ game on Westwood One radio.
None of this makes Harris head coach material – which makes him imminently qualified as evaluated by Jim Irsay.
8. Tyler Polumbus
He grew up in Denver, played high school ball at Cherry Creek, college ball at the University of Colorado, and professional football for the Broncos. He has stayed in the area to raise his family and work as a sports talk radio show host with various stations. NFL head coach would be the next logical step, far as Irsay is concerned.
9. Brandon Stokley
His dad was a coach. Nelson Stokley was an offensive coordinator for Clemson and head coach for Southwestern Louisiana (now Louisiana-Lafayette). Remember when Stokley caught that miracle deflection at Cincinnati in the Broncos’ 2009 season opener, then ran parallel to the end zone along the 2-yard line to kill a few seconds before slipping into the end zone? Only a coach’s kid thinks of those things.
Given their history together – both as quarterback-receiver in the NFL and friendship after football -- perhaps a better fit would be for Stokley to serve as offensive coordinator on head coach Peyton Manning’s staff.
Others: Brian Griese, Chad Brown, Steve Atwater, DMac, Scott Hastings.
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