DENVER — Hello, boys and girls, ladies and gents.
Welcome to our sixth annual Merry Klismas celebration. Klis Kringle had his toughest year yet. COVID was a devastating menace. It hurt the Broncos in many ways. But the virus could not cancel Klismas.
Here’s my Klismas List for 2020:
To Drew Lock: Either dancing lessons or an invitation to Dancing with the Stars. Josh Allen said you’ve got the moves. But I don’t always see it. I can’t make up my mind which one to give you.
To Kendall Hinton: Two gifts. One, a free pass to the Manning Passing Academy. And two, an all-expense paid trip to Canton to see your Hall of Fame wrist band display. Nice try, kid.
For Vic Fangio: A new watch for time management. Make it identical to the one worn by Flavor Flave.
For Shelby Harris: His own flyswatter endorsement.
For Von Miller: His job back, but at a pay cut. I’m sorry Von. You put the D in the Denver Broncos. You deserve to finish your career here. But 2021 will be a belt-tightening year, even for Klis Kringle. Right, Mrs. Klis?
To Phillip Lindsay: My apologies. I said I would get you a new contract last year. But there was a communication problem and Elway gave it to Melvin Gordon instead.
For John Elway: A do over with the 2018 draft. With the No. 5 pick, the Denver Broncos select... Josh Allen.
To Courtland Sutton: A full recovery.
To Pat Shurmur: A full recovery by Courtland Sutton.
To Joe Ellis: The gift of Peyton Manning. He’s the smartest football mind ever. He lives in town. How many commercials does he have to do before he’s offered a job?
And to Broncos fans everywhere: A full supply of masks. No, not to protect against the virus. To cover your eyes so you don’t have to keep watching all this bad football. These last 4 or 5 years, the Broncos have turned Klis Kringle into a Grinch. You want a nicer Santa, start winning some games. Or get Tom Green to put on a beard. I do wish you all peace and health in 2021.
Aren’t we overdue for a Happier New Year around here?